Friday, August 03, 2007

On Being in a Constant State of Amazement: The miracle of life and faith

Bahia's grateful reflections. -gw

so i have a few minutes before i head out to my last friday of work. i just read the latest few entries i wrote, and felt inspired to update.

i don't know. so much has happened since even the end of this year. this past year was, i guess, the second hardest year of my life, in a completely opposite way that my year of service was. and when i say hardest, i don't mean because it was the worst, or the most "hardship", but it was because i had made the decision to face myself. and i did. no distractions, no excuses. my year of service was discovery, while this past year was more trial and error---who i want to be vs. who i don't. and of course some overlapping in between.

what's most amazing to at this point in time, is putting all of my theories that i've taken my whole life to dream up (which go hand in hand with the baha'i faith) and finally, after 20 years, putting them into practice. the most fulfilling part of all of it, is seeing it work. it's like i'm watching this new person i've created successfully tackle problems she's struggled her whole life to understand, change, and master. i could never, in my life, express how happy i am. how much i see the miracle in life and the baha'i faith. and never, in my life have i felt so much love for so many people at one time. my heart is ready to burst with feeling that i'm pretty sure i've deprived myself of again, my whole life.

i'm in a constant state of amazement, and i feel more ready than ever before to take everything that everyone has ever given me, wrap it up in a small bundle kept securely in my pumping heart and bring it with me wherever i go. i'm pretty sure i want to go everywhere. i don't know what i'm doing or where my life is leading me, but i am so excited and finally see and really understand what it means to have my whole life ahead of me. it's pumping through every vein in my body and i thank every single human being that ever took the time to smile at me, talk to me, hug me, love me, write to me, teach me, dance with me, play with me---because every single one has helped to shape me into the person i am today and that will forever be priceless to me in every inch of my soul.

i love you so much, i could never, ever, ever fully express it.
{Re-posted with permission}

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