On Blog-Chatter Among Family and Friends: Rach's Pinpoint of Light, an Ember, a Spark

Rach is a thoughtful woman, a teacher, a wife, a sister, and a mother. She is on a spiritual journey.

There is a pinpoint of light that is a little ember, a spark. I know God is around me and I know he is with me, I just don't know how to go about strengthening MY relationship with Him. I want my spark to become a flame!

I know part of what is holding me back is "what will people think??" if I no longer identify myself as Christian. What will my mother think?? My mother-in-law?? My friends?? Yes, my beliefs are my own and my relationship with God is personal, but how do I explain this to them? I'm so very lost and confused!
posted by rachd @ 7/18/2006 10:28:00 PM 5 comments

5 Comments:
At 12:06 AM, Adam's Mom said...
I know where you are, I am there too. I believe in God, in a supreme being that is powerful and wonderful. I believe this not because the church has told me to but because I feel His power when I am still. When I am talking with Him or like you said, out in nature appreciating all He has given to us. I just cannot believe in a vengeful God. I want Adam to feel the peace I have felt in nature and find that closeness. I don't want to force him into a church where he is told of a scary God. I am babbling, but I understand what you wrote.

At 12:13 AM, Bonita said...
When we approach our Father, his love is without boundaries or constraints. Man makes those. I'm sure that as you educate your daughters in the beauty of nature, you will deepen your own appreciation and share this with your daughters. That will lead to more questions, and quests which provide direction and meaning. It is to be celebrated, like a journey. I'm confident that you, and your family, will find personal expressions that 'fit you', that are authentic and real. Thats what counts, in my opinion.Sometimes, too, we have one foot in the traditions and practice of our family (of origin), and the other foot in a new direction, balancing one and the other, integrating gently. I think of Buddhist Baha'is who still practice the culture and traditions of their homeland, while merging into the global frameworks and ideals of Baha'i. Nothing is forfeited or put away; it is simply enriched, like a child going from 3rd grade to 4th grade. An ongoing journey. Even when you 'arrive'you continue moving, with more questions.I'm confident that your family will find a confident balance.

At 12:20 AM, Jess said...
Rach, go to the library and... get a few books! I found that was a great place to start. Also, you should have no worries about what mom thinks. She has been accepting of me studying Baha'i. It isn't like she is a dogmatic follower of Christianity. As for everyone else, I just can't say what you should do. I know many families have developed strong rifts because of religious differences and that is really too bad. Honestly, the only negative things I hear from people are those who are totally unfamiliar with Baha'i. I had one friend actually think I was being hooked into a New Age cult!!!! Hee Hee!

And, yes, it is terribly revealing putting all your thoughts and feelings on a blog. It would almost be easier if family and friends DIDN'T read it because most of us don't fear the judgments of those we don't know nearly as much as we fear those of our loved ones.

At 11:40 PM, Joe said...
Well, you did it – you finally posted a blog entry that I felt compelled to comment upon!First, I have to say that I’m in awe of your courage. I could NEVER post my own views of religion in a forum in which my family would be present. Like you, I grew up in a very conservative, fundamentally religious area (we Appalachian country yungins are all the same, huh), Mine was primarily Southern Baptist and Holiness (if you’re not familiar with Holiness churches, think “Southern Baptists on crack”). My parents were never zealous church-goers during my childhood (my Mom is now – I think she’s in her “I’m getting old – I gotta get right with Jesus” mode), but my grandmother, many members of my family, and the families of many of my friends were VERY, VERY religious. Their brands of religion were always heavily dosed with intolerance for other religions (people from any non-Protestant faith were certainly damned to Hell) and ethnicities (the white descendents of western Europeans were obviously God’s true children). I never really bought into any of it as a teenager, but because of their influences, I was certainly prejudiced in my opinion of people that were “different” than me.

Joining the Air Force at age 21 changed all of that. I found myself working side-by-side with people from many different faiths, creeds, races, and socio-economic backgrounds. I learned to judge people not by my childhood prejudices, but by their character and their contributions to society. Over time, these experiences changed me on a spiritual level, too, and made me strongly questions the beliefs of my upbringing. I now consider myself an agnostic simply because I don’t know what to believe. I’m definitely not an atheist, because that would require an absolute disbelief in a supreme being. I feel in my heart that some sort of higher power does exist; I’m just not privy to its true nature and I’m not convinced that anyone else is either.

The pressures that you and Brien feel to teach Hannah about religion are only going to get worse, and they will come from the place you least expect it: From Hannah herself. When she starts public school this fall, she will be surrounded by children that have a great deal of parentally imposed knowledge about “God” and “Jesus”. You can be assured that she will ask you about them – Bryan blindsided me with it after school one day last year. Be prepared for it; Cindy and I really weren’t, but we’ve tried to temper it with, “Well, that’s what some people believe.” The jury is still out on whether we’ve chosen the right approach. At Bryan’s school, they do make a point of celebrating many winter holidays from different religions and cultures – everything from Ramadan and Hanukkah to Kwanzaa and Chinese New Year to Buddhist, Hindu, and Native American celebrations for which I can’t even recall the names (kind of impressive for a school that’s dominated by upper middle class white, Anglo-Saxon, Protestant children of Air Force officers). Around March of this year, Bryan asked me if we could celebrate Hanukkah AND Christmas this year (he likes to eat the latkes and I think he’s trying to scam us for more presents). I said, “Sure”…then he made a point of telling my Mom all about it…when she called him on Easter Sunday! I think that episode may have taken a couple of years off the poor woman's life!

Anyway, hang in there, and if you happen to get it all figured out before I do, please let me know! See you soon.

rachd and commenters, "Religion Confusion," Life With Hannah and Lily