On Husbands and Baha'i Marriage: Lots of Reasons to Love

Rach of Life with Hannah and Lily is happy when her husband comes home. Yes, I'm delighted my sweetie is coming home. And, not just because life is easier with him around. Life is better when he is with me =). We are high school sweethearts who have been a couple for almost 14 years. When someone has been a part of your life for so long, they are a part of you. I feel incomplete when he isn't around.
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Tumblyday gives "Lots of Reasons" why she loves her husband. I set a timer, and typed the reasons I love DM that came out in a stream of consciousness. Here it is, unedited, except I added the numbers to make it easier to read:
1. He has nice looking hands.
2. He loves animals.
3. He is creative.
4. He is intelligent.
5. He is very funny.
6. He loves Monty Python.
7. He is wacky, in the same way my dad is wacky.
8. He respects his mother.
9. He misses his father.
10. He loves hiking.
11. He taught me to love soccer.
12. He has worked harder than anyone I know on self-improvement.
13. He is as committed to his Faith as he is to our marriage.
14. He makes me laugh.
15. He makes me feel beautiful.
16. He calls me silly names like “boo.”
17. He has learned to cook.
18. He doesn’t bring work home with him.
19. He knows how to relax.
20. He has more hobbies than he has free time.
21. He doesn’t have enough vacation time, and never will.
22. He wanted to go to Disney World with me last year.
23. He isn’t afraid to face himself.
24. He does what he knows is right.
25. He has a heart of gold, and polishes it regularly.
26. He can talk to anyone, anywhere, anytime.
27. He could sell ice to an Eskimo.
28. He drives me crazy, because he knows he can.
29. He is a cookie monster, and says my chocolate chip cookies are the best.
30. He is incredibly fastidious about the oddest things, like his grill.
31. He is afraid to hold babies, in case he breaks them.
32. He lies on the floor with our dogs, like just another puppy.
33. His eyes still light up when I remind him that “I got you a puppy.”
34. He puts up with me.
35. He likes my cooking.
36. He protects me, even from myself.
37. He encourages, not just tolerates, my hobbies.
38. He inists that there is a method to his madness.
39. He insisted that I take my writing seriously.
40. He helped me become more of who I am.
41. He taught me the Baha’i Faith.
42. He came into my life at precisely the right moment.
43. He’s right about whether I will like a movie about half of the time.
44. He’s easy to banter with.
45. He ends every day by telling me he loves me.
46. I have known him for almost twelve years, and I have barely scratched the surface.
47. I have known him for almost twelve years, and I keep finding more reasons to love him.
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Here is her husband David's response: I decided to do the same exercise and here are my results (I have fewer because I had to keep checking to see if I already said it - thank you ADD. Click here for David's list. Click here for David's blog.
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Tumblyday: My marriage has been made easier because of "What My Dad Taught Me."

When I was in high school, my dad made me a recording while on a road trip to one scientific research project or another. I lost it in one of my many college moves, unfortunately. But it was great; he talked about how much he loved driving and he gave me his fundamental advice for marriage. I am reaching my tenth wedding anniversary this week largely due to that advice, so in honor of my Dad, here it is in summary form:

1. Get married. Dad was very clear on this. He said you can’t just live with someone, you have to get married. His reasoning was that sometimes, the only thing that will keep you from walking out the door without looking back is the marriage certificate. My experience has borne this out (but not because I considered walking out). When DM and I got married, there was a palpable change between us. There is something very powerful about standing up in front of your whole family and all your friends, and making a commitment to each other (and we believe, to God) to live your lives together. You reach deeper for solutions, you have each other’s back, and sometimes you just sit and be miserable together. But marriage makes that possible.

2. If he’s not psycho, you have nothing to worry about. Dad said if my potential mate was not a psychotic murderer, and not an irredeemable slob, then that was the best match you could hope for. His point was that there is no perfect match, I guess, and that there are always conflicts in marriage. Those conflicts are usually unanticipated, and you must learn to resolve them. It doesn’t really matter if the conflict is over money or in-laws or laundry. There are always conflicts and conflicts must always be resolved. I would phrase this somewhat differently myself. Identify your deal-breakers. Anything that is not a deal-breaker is up for negotiation. My deal-breakers, which I identified to DM right up front, were 1. Don’t hit me (physically or verbally) 2. Don’t cheat on me (physically or emotionally) 3. No substance abuse of any kind and 4. If we commit, then the relationship comes before everything else. That’s it. Everything else has been negotiated. Money, in-laws, laundry, dogs, time together, time apart, decorating. When I say everything, I mean everything. But those deal-breakers are safe, and I know both of us would defend them to our last breath. I think that’s worth a little flexibility on the number of Star Wars figures in the house.

3. Communication is indispensable. I remember being upset with my parents at some point because I never saw them fight. My feeling was that they hadn’t modeled a “normal” relationship for me because I never saw them yell at each other or insult each other. Yes, I was an idiot. I didn’t realize that they had shown me how to resolve conflict without yelling or hurling insults. They had communicated. Not always well or easily. Sometimes behind closed doors or in whispers. But every time one of my parents comes home, they kiss each other hello. They bicker in a playful way. They talk about their feelings. And neither of them ever EVER left because they were mad. EVER. That is a rule DM and I have adopted for ourselves. No one leaves. If we’re mad, we sit in a room and pout in silence if we have to, but no one walks out on the other one - ever.

4. Marry your best friend. My mom and dad did. I did too. You just can’t beat spending the rest of your life with your best friend.

"What My Dad Taught Me," Tumblyday.com