On Investigating the Baha'i Faith: Further Update from Jess

Photo: Ella on right with cousin and uncle
Jess continues to write remarkably and openly about her experience of studying the Baha'i Faith. Growing up in the country, she had what my wife likes to call "good home training." She has a strong family, the members of which are very supportive and loving to one another. The family values are strongly rooted in Christianity. Naturally, there are many emotions that can accompany investigation of the Faith by the sincere seeker, as these excerpts from Jess' blog Rambles, Reviews and Rants clearly demonstrate.

Sunday, April 16, 2006 -- "Easter"

Photo: Jess' neices and brother-in-law

I was really fortunate this year that my mother and my sister and her little family could come visit with my family for the Easter holiday. We had good intentions of going to church but we realized Saturday morning when we were trying to get all three girls and ourselves ready and at the photo studio by 10 a.m. for pictures (my mom's Mother's Day gift is a pic of all 5 of her girls) that getting to church by 9:30 in a town 40 minutes away would be a stretch. Then, all the children would have to be checked into childcare and our car would have to be valet parked because my church has limited parking. Then the adults would have to be bussed to the site where the Easter service was to be held- under a large tent away on property owned by the church that would fit 2,000 folks instead of the smaller sanctuary that only seats a fraction of that amount. I wasn't sure how the daycare location vs. the tent would work out. Anyway, this short story is getting long... I guess I am trying to make excuses for feeling guilty for missing church on the biggest day of the Christian year.

Photo: Ella in her Easter dress

And to make matters worse, I sort of feel like an adulterous Christian. I am cheating on the faith of my childhood by actively pursuing another. At least Baha'is accept that everyone is worshipping the same God, so no matter what a practitioner of that faith does or does not do on a holy day of another faith it would probably be acceptable as long as they behaved respectably. Oh my. I am just feeling guilty, guilty guilty. Well, guilty or not, I didn't go to church today and I have plans to attend a Baha'i meeting on Thursday. I guess that just says it all right there.

On a lighter note, here are a couple pics from today of my daughter and me in our Easter finery. We got dressed up for dinner even if we didn't make it to church!

Ella and me:
Monday, April 17, 2006

I have been feeling muddled, worried and guilty over this Easter holiday. I have not been sure if my emotions stem from nostalgia or because I am finally admitting to myself after years of secret doubt that Christianity's dogma is not what I truly believe. I wonder if people who leave other religions feel as awful about it as I do? Surely they must. It feels like I am losing a best friend, someone that I know so well and have been able to trust and depend upon. Or for another analogy (probably a poor one), it is like I am breaking up with my high school boyfriend and I am on the search for my life mate. I think I am falling in love and this could be the one but I am so afraid that I am wrong and I am going to get hurt. I guess I have to keep on dating Baha'i to find out! Does that sound really silly?!